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5:05 PM
Maybelle! i'll be using ur blog template for the time-being k!
until i find another one!
cos i like urs. LOL!
i noe u're nice! heh heh!
went ling yu's place for filming yest.
her house is BIG!
damn tiring cos woke up at 8am, reached parkway at 10 only to find us being the first to reach.
waited 1 hour for all to come.
i hate latecomers seriously.
i dun owe anyone to wait for dem.
and i dun like ppl waiting for me, cos dey dun owe me as well.
if im ever late, dun wait for me.
on a happier note, met up with TEF at clark quay last night.
the theme was "all black".
went home after filming to accompany grandmies.
den decided to join dem after dinner as i really wan to go.
called kandis and she came my place to find me 1st.
headed down to manhattan to join the rest.
rackied ard the canary trying to find a suitabale bar to settle down in.
den we went into MAMA's CARRIBEAN BAR.
dun really look nice from the outside.
BUT BUT BUT.
its freaking awesomely great inside!
GREAT SONGS, GREAT DRINKS, GREAT COMPANY.
was damn high. laughed non stop.
screaming at the top of our voices along with the songs.
dancing on the chair and in the toilet.
haven been so happy for a while.
and its really a getaway.
and i mus sae jiamin and my alcohol tolerance were really good.
everyone went crazy while me and jiamin were still stable.
i dunno how many shots and mixes i drank.
i see myself laughing once again.
thanks TEF.
i love u guys.
thankfully i went =)
Jo-an says
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5:15 PM
bad mood.
really bad mood.
Jo-an says
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1:58 AM
im damn shaggg.
bud i jus cant slp.
m i suffering from insomia?
let me slp pls.
annoying flu is back.
and my shit has blood for the past few days.
m i dying?
why cant ppl jus do their jobs sometimes?
m i too fast or are dey too slow?
i really wonder.
im nt pointing at anyone
bud dis happens to me EVERYTIME.
and i simply cant stand it.
Jo-an says
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1:09 AM
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SHERMAIN!
im so sorry for not celebrating for u okay!
dat day will come!
wait for me alrite!
dis is a very tiring and busy week yo!
alot of tests and submissions.
haha. wait for me wait for me!
Jo-an says
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11:12 PM
Linked to Clifton gf's blog from Serene's post.
i teared.
sometimes i wish that i can be as frank as Serene.
and say whatever i want wherever i am.
she's so smartly straight-forward.
and i see myself in her.
ONCE.
long time ago, when i used to say anything that i want and how i feel.
bud now....
cant ar, im a changed person.
i hate hurting ppl's feelings.
and i dunno how to phrase it in a better way so that ppl will feel better.
im such a loser luh.
and jus came back from LTC.
lots of workshops on leadership.
and much of the points given actually struck me to think hard.
whether i m qualified or not, or what i lack as an individual.
well, i feel so tiny.
i seem to have lost all the confidence and pride that i once had.
i cant even bring up the courage to say anything i wan animore.
is this how ppl feel as they grow up?
being more cautious of their surroundings and all.
and would rather keep more things to themselves than to let others know.
which is which man.
Below are my rantings abt aunt. dun bother reading.
i miss irene ma.
passed by a shopping centre dat i used to went with her.
i stoned on the bus for a while, thinking when was it.
i rmbered walkin by the roadside to the carpark with her.
ppl will never understand how i passed my days since march 30.
for ppl who dunno, my aunt died on that day.
March used to be a good month to me, cos my birthday falls in march.
bud aunt left.
she's like a second mother to me.
and her departure sent me to the darkest moments of my life.
imagine how badly i cry every night coming back from SL camp while lighting joss sticks for her.
the 5 days were hell for me.
crying was what i can only do to ease the sorrow.
mum kept telling me dat aunt would not want to see me like this.
bud i jus cant help it.
i cried till i almost fainted on the last day.
and imagine how i went through her dairy and found out how much she actually suffered alone and not letting any of us know.
and imagine how much i hated myself for neglecting her when she's in the hospital.
not setting out enough time to visit her for the 2 months.
claiming im busy is all bull shit.
if i really had the heart to visit, i would have gone no matter what.
i regret.
i regret not being there when she died.
i regret not saying i love her so much.
i regret not calling her mum for my past 19 years.
(as she always tells people that im her daughter.)
i regret not giving her the 1000 cranes that i folded for her in time to save her.
(and having to burn it to her together with her coffin.)
i regret not spending enough time with her for the last time.
and flashbacks of her are always making me emo.
so many things i have done with her.
and so little i can remember.
she asked me never to give up on dance.
bud i did.
bud i know i'll return one day, stepping into the dance floor.
to fulfill and to help pursue her dream and passion.
for dance is her life.
i started dancing because of her.
remembering her pulling me into the dance floor to dance with her.
she's the one who lightened up my life, making me most of who i am.
i'll remember you irene ma, i go into ur room once in a while, and i see grandma walkin in too.
she misses u alot. and she has slimmed down so much.
pls bless her. and make her stronger.
for selfish me would not want to lose anyone else for now.
been to too much wakes.
i hate it.
i hate to see people leaving me.
Jo-an says
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11:43 PM
serene's blog made me damn emo.
clifton's passing sure did change many people's mindset.
Jo-an says
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10:52 PM
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10:44 PM
Why suffer alone?
let's stand together and fight. =)
i love you.
who's dat anyway? haha!
Jo-an says
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12:37 PM
back from YONG JIAN's BIRTHDAY CHALET!
and woah woah woah.
it turned out to be what i least expected.
it was hell.
spent the whole night clearing/cleaning PUKES and RUBBISH.
around 10 drunkards were screaming and in their own world.
wah leh and ar, me and gek were the only girls staying over la.
so we did not drink.
(for fear that the beasts will attack us. LOL)
we were like maids la seriously.
bud it was a good night spent talkin to GEK.
we locked ourselves in the room whenever we can to hide away from the guys.
bud we had to clean their PUKES on the floor and toilets every now and then.
AND! we had to prepare hot water and towels for them also!
cos dey were feeling terrible.
YONG JIAN had the worst.
he drank like no one's business.
and started puking everywhere and talking rubbish.
LOL.
oh wells, he's the birthday boy!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YONG JIAN!
(pls dun drink next time!)
Jo-an says
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3:02 PM
www.deathclock.com
went to this site, and found out when i'll die.
Thursday, July 23, 2082
so yea. wonder what i'll look like.
DEATH is jus another chapter of life.
who knows where we'll be going after death.
Had a ride of emotions roller coaster lately.
Its difficult to see how i manage to go through all these.
and seeing DEATH, i feel that my problems are so minor.
and that no matter what happens, i'll always think that "at least im nt dead."
and that all problems can be solved eventually.
To Clifton:
We may not be close, but i know that you are an outstanding leader and friend.
Your departure had certainly affected me in a way or another.
TP-ians always feel for each other though.
May you find happiness in the next world.
To: Maybelle
Pull yourself together k.
Its really a difficult month for u.
Jus to let you know, we'll always be there when u need us.
Don't keep everything to yourself.
To: All my friends
Its a horrible period for everyone now.
and i'll learn to treasure all of you.
cos i do not want to regret.
Brace yourselves my friends, we'll go through everything together =)
Jo-an says
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1:12 AM
wanna sleep.
so insignificant.
Jo-an says
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2:05 PM
oh my oh my.
NAT HO IS GOD-MANLY ATTRACTIVE!
hohohoho!
Jo-an says
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11:32 PM
i wanna run away.
to the nice islands of the world.
leavin all worries and problems behind.
how good is that?
bud i cant =(
Jo-an says
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4:36 PM
been living for others for too long.
guess its time to really live for myself.
thanks clique for the talk.
its really been great seeing u guys again.
may our friendship lasts =)
Jo-an says
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10:56 AM
TKD camp was FUN FUN FUN.
haha.
although i onli went on e second day, it is enough to kill.
been missing sparring for a long time.
the first time in 385386394590235 months almost got my life.
seem to have lost the momentum to fight.
bud all in all, it was worth it.
haha.
cos, its satisfying to know that u have accomplished something frm the 2 sessions of training.
and i have many hidden blueblacks after.
to top it up, muscle aches frm the back down.
cant even walk properly now.
i dun wanna give it up, cos i love it.
and did i mention e kids dere?
oh my, dey are the funniest kids ever.
some are damn disciplined even.
they know when to play and when to be serious.
unlike some adults, who onli knows how to scream like nobody's business.
*i wanna slap u bitch. someday alrite, u'll know.
e onli reason dats keepin me frm training is school.
bud its okay, cos bruce lee understands.
so yea, dun ever try to stop me frm lovin tkd.
i'll kick you.
Jo-an says
